Summer TO DO 

  • Stop worrying about everything, life is difficult enough without questioning and overthinking every little life decision and activity.
  • Start enjoying your life, even the littlest piece of happiness.
  • Stop thinking about changing something and go change it! Start being the person you want to be, don’t just dream of it.
  • Don’t stay at home all the time because it’s more comfortable. Instead, go outside and leave your comfort zone every now and then.
  • Show the special people in your life that you love them.
  • It’s okay to cry sometimes, but don’t let one down ruin your whole day or even week.
  • Treat yourself from time to time, you deserve and need it! Selflove and positivity are important to have a healthy mind.
  • Learn to get along alone. Don’t just rely on others, you should be able to be alone sometimes and enjoy it!
  • Keep going. If you started to change don’t quit just because it becomes hard. You’ll be proud of yourself in the end if you don’t give up. Otherwise you will be dissapointed.
  • Be happy. Do whatever you need to do to be happy.

The food irony 

I am on a low carb diet. And I noticed how many people have the urge to tell you that your diet ist unhealthy. 

First of all, yes, I Know, low carb is not the defenition of eating healthy. You have to watch carefully so your body gets everything it needs. But the main issue of this short blog issue is not about how good or healthy one diet is. It’s about other people telling you how you should live your life and especially about them telling you you’re unhealthy when they’re not better at all. 

I will give you one example. The first Person who told me how unhealthy lowcarb is and that I should stop eating this way was my boyfriend. He eats unhealthy 90% of his time. His main meals are Pizza, fishfingers and crisps. He smokes and drinks beer a few times per week. So he’s the absolutely perfect example for this. 

I did recognize this behavior not just with people talking to me, but all the time. Especially when it comes to people who are vegetarians or vegans. People who eat more fat and meat than one should,  tell those who don’t eat meat how unhealthy they live. 

I have to say I just don’t understand this kind of behavior. So please, stop telling people,  who really think about what they eat,  how unhealthy they live. Especially if you don’t even know what they eat the whole day or if they really watch out so they get all the nutritions they need. Of course, if you are really concerned about them because you know they eat too less or really harm themselves it’s a completely other thing. But most of the people telling others how unhealthy they are,  are just annoying. 

About Demons and Anxiety

3 years ago I really wanted to kill myself. I didn’t, as you might have recognized. 3 years ago I left my ex boyfriend and 3 years ago I met my new boyfriend. And 3 years ago I started to change my life, to appreciate the small things and to enjoy every moment, no mather how happy, angry or sad it is. 

I have to say, it really gets better over time. The demons screaming in your head and trying to pull you down everytime you get up get quieter and less present. The shadow of depression stops hiding every light and colour. Panic attacks get fewer. And I am so happy, that the people who say it gets better over time, are actually right. But nobody can really tell you how much time it will take. I myself can say I feel much better and happier than 3 years ago. But I still have a very long way to go. 

Some days I am happy, satisfied and literally everything is fine. When this happens I am relaxed and calm and I know that all the effort is worth it. On the other side I have these moments when I get too happy, you could nearly say manic. My energy becomes stronger and stronger, everything gets brighter and beautiful and colourful. That’s when I get very affraid, because when this happens I will fall very deep. And then nothing is bright anymore, the colours fade and there’s a big, dark cloud in my head. And of course there are days where I have no motivation, where I don’t even want to move because I am affraid of everything. 

And that’s how my life looks right now. It’s a mixture of these three possibilities. But they are right, it gets better over time. I recognize how the good days become more and the bad days – logically – become less. And that’s why I keep fighting. Because, besides all the exhausting effort and pain that comes with living and surviving, I still have the hope that someday, there will be mostly good days. 

The little things

Recently I recognised, that it’s not just about the big, turbulent things you’ll always remember, but also about the little things. Because the little things happen so much more often than those spectacular memorizable moments. The little things are the big secret behind being happy and satisfied with your life.

But when did I start to think about it, and what is really meant with ‚little things‘? Well, I can’t say when exactly my thoughts started to circle around this topic,  but now I realize how many of these small gifts from life exist. Just think about nature. I’m sure everybody had this moment, where they just stood or sat there and realized how beautiful nature can be. It could be on a Mountain, in the forrest, at the beach or even while sitting by a window and staring at the rain. I recently had a moment of happiness when I sat in a car, the sun was shining an tickling on my skin, and I realized how it is summer and how beautiful everything is and how perfect my life is.

Furthermore, there are these little moments with others, that show you that these people Care or love you. Firstly, there is my boyfriend, who doesn’t want to go asleep alone because he needs me by his side. And some random day he came home and brought me chocolate. When we moved together he gave me a cactus, because I love them and could never have enough. And I could go on and on and on with these little things he does but I don’t want this post to be endless and I think you get the point about how my boyfriend loves me.

Then there’s my girl best friend. She is the best friend I ever had and there will never be a better one. We Tell each other everything. And sometimes, one of us texts the other randomly and makes the other one laugh, or think. And even if we don’t see each other very often, she’s a big part of my life that I never want to miss.

Last but not least there’s my boy best friend,  who lives together with me and my boyfriend. He gave me a lot of beautiful moments recently. The most important thing that makes me really happy sounds too unimportant and simple. But everytime I say something stupid, and I mean pretty stupid, he softly hits me on the head because he cares about me and my health and wants to show me that I am stupid. Recently this moment happened twice. One time I said that I want to lose another 10 kilos, which is way too much in his eyes. And another time I talked about a dream in which I died and I mentioned how dying was really peaceful and relieving. He hit me and said dying is bad.

So, that’s it for now, even if I could go on and on with these stories, but this post is already long enough. I wish you all a happy life and as many of these little moments as you can get!